10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

This step can be used in two ways. First, an opportunity to review how you are working the steps – especially the moral inventory. Secondly, it can be used each day as a reminder to try and keep your worst characteristics in check

I was told never to look back (except during my therapies in my meetings) but I use this step to look over my shoulder and see how I am getting on. I try to be encouraging to myself and look back to last week to see how I was getting on. Did I meet emergencies with poise? Did I behave as if I was the arbiter of the universe? If I find I behaved badly over something, then I try to learn from it and “do better next time”.

REVIEW my personality and my faults continuously.

 

11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God (as we understand him) praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.

This step is NOT about who or what is your God.

If you have accepted step three then you have a pretty good idea that there is definitely “something” helping you in your recovery.

This step is therefore not complicated, it is just the words that make it seem so. You are simply being reminded to keep in touch with your inner feelings on a daily basis and trust your more honest instincts.

The words “prayer” and “meditation” put me off at once. I could understand meditation as I could learn the technique from books, but prayer seemed to be directly connected with religion and this was more difficult for me. As a result, I missed the real point of this step.

I had discovered that during periods of calm and relaxation I seemed to be in touch with the best parts of my character. I would think, almost unconsciously, about what I could do to help those around me.

Where did these thoughts come from? I have no idea,

but I certainly like having them. I believe that if I am feeling good about myself then I must be working this step.

THINK about myself as part of mankind as a whole and how I can improve my tolerance, honesty, and humility.

 

12. Having made an effort to practice these principles in all our affairs, we tried to carry this message to other compulsive gamblers.

It’s never too soon on the programme to want to share that wonderful release with others, but do not get carried away and try and convert other gamblers.

After what I get from being part of this fellowship, my greatest pleasure is giving back by just showing that I have learnt something from this programme. I don’t mean just that I don’t gamble, but that I am learning daily how to live properly and usefully

HELP others through my example to see that they too can enjoy peace of mind.

7. Humbly asked God (of our understanding) to remove our shortcomings.

The act of giving away your shortcomings. This is not just defects of character but all your weaknesses. If you have truly accepted that humility, honesty and sharing are the basis of your recovery, then this step will be taken in your stride.

Once again, I am being advised that I can get help from that SOMETHING that is more than just me.

The key word here is “humility”. In this step I am guided to look outwards and to practice compassion and tolerance, and to stop thinking only about myself. It is only through behaving responsibly and with honesty that I can expect my shortcomings to drift away. Doing nothing to help myself will result in nothing happening to me.

LET my better nature and instincts work on me.

 

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.

This should include those hurt by bad behaviour as well as those hurt financially. Don’t leave anyone out!

A frequently misunderstood step. Once again, I am helped by the authors of the step programme not to go too fast. This step asks only that I make a list and be READY to make amends. Making amends follows later.

I made new lists frequently, even after the first one had been dealt with. New names keep appearing, and old ones (dealt with in Step Nine) drop off.

LIST everyone I’ve hurt.

 

9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

Start putting things right as soon as possible. Don’t use the word “except” as an excuse for putting off genuine debts or emotional damage.

Making amends to those we have hurt seems obvious and sensible. If the person knows they have been hurt either financially or emotionally then the sooner contact is made the better. You cannot expect to have trust regained by avoiding what must be done

I realised that I could use the words “wherever possible” and “except” as an easy escape to avoid my more painful debts. I also (accidentally on purpose) interpreted this step to mean that I should repay money I owe and ignore the emotional hurts.

I did learn though that I cannot use this step to unload my guilt for past actions. I learnt in step 5 that sharing guilt is good, but not to those I had hurt directly. For these people, actions speak louder than words. I try to let them see me changing my ways and simply behaving properly and responsibly.

RIGHT the wrongs I’ve done wherever possible.

4. Made a searching and fearless moral and financial inventory of ourselves.

These words are clear and obvious but frightening. Dealing with everyone owed money is essential and urgent. Dealing with your personal inventory is a lifetime job requiring honesty. This is not easy, even to a recovering compulsive gambler.

Searching. Fearless. Moral. These words could have frightened me, but strangely they did not. I had already admitted I was powerless to stop gambling and admitted reluctantly that my whole life was a mess. I had stopped running away and had made that simple decision to give GA a chance. It was quite logical that the next step would have me look at myself a bit closer.

I soon learnt that making a searching inventory could be done one day at a time in the same way as I was staying away from gambling one day at a time. So, I broke the inventory down into separate chunks: Character (both defects and qualities), Priorities and responsibilities, Feelings (good and bad), Financial. And within each of these even smaller chunks. I tackled the easiest first and put off the hardest. Why should I tackle the most painful first? I had a whole lifetime to work on myself.

I also realised (after looking at the rest of the recovery programme) that this step was only the process of

Doing something about each problem follows later, spread over the next FIVE steps

so painful though some of the discoveries about myself may be, I am being guided to deal with them slowly and surely.

LOOK at myself and my finances realistically.

 

5. Admitted to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

The first look at this step is as frightening and impossible as Step Four, but once you learn that you do not have to admit ALL wrongs ALL AT ONCE, taking this step became manageable.

Don’t try to avoid this step on the grounds that you cannot find anyone. If you are having difficulty, ask someone in your group or your sponsor. Or choose a trusted friend, someone you respect, or a professional. Try to avoid a member of your family or spouse.

The very first time I chose a friend, but I must admit I did not have the courage to admit everything. But then I had not written everything down either while doing my inventory. However, as I gradually did more of my inventory,

I was also more willing to share more. The release I felt each time “l got it off my chest” was wonderful. The old saying “a problem shared is a problem halved” was certainly true for me.

It was also important that I did not choose anyone who would be hurt by me unloading my guilt. Recovery is a slow process and part of my recovery is the acceptance that I will not recover overnight. I had always wanted results of everything I did to be instant, and now I was learning that even recovery itself would be slow.

SHARE my innermost weaknesses with another.

 

6. Were entirely ready to have these defects of character removed.

Time to review what you have learnt about yourself and be certain that you are prepared to change. If you have been tackling your inventory and sharing as you go, then you should be ready to give away at least some of your worst character defects.

This is not an action step; it is however an important moment of decision. If you don’t think you are ready to move on, then do not hesitate to go back and re-do part of your inventory and share your thoughts. Recovery has no time limit. Take your recovery one day at a time.

I had made a start on my personal inventory and shared the wrongs with someone else, but what was I expected to DO in order to carry out this step?

When I looked forward at the next few steps, I could see that I was going to be led gently towards putting right the wrongs I had done. This step is therefore a “time out” to reflect on my admissions and to be sure I am ready to change. It is the opportunity to remind myself that only by giving away my defects can I distance myself from that next bet.

BE READY to improve myself.

1. We admitted we were powerless over gambling – that our lives had become unmanageable.

Don’t be fooled. You are being asked to admit BOTH that you are powerless over your gambling AND that your life is unmanageable. Admitting one without the other is to deny the extent of your problem.

From the moment I arrived I felt immediately at home and for the first time in my life among people with whom I identified, but I hardly noticed the full wording of this first step. Admitting I was powerless over gambling seemed obvious, but I brushed aside the full implications of the second part of this step.

My life was certainly unmanageable where gambling was concerned, but “my life” meant everything else, and my ego was not ready to admit to this. In any case I had come to stop gambling, not turn into a saint.

The admission that my life was as unmanageable as my gambling took longer to happen, but after a few weeks in GA I found I could accept it willingly.

ADMIT that I am powerless over gambling and that my addiction has made my life unmanageable.

 

2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to normal way of thinking and living.

You have probably tried to stop gambling before, but the difference this time is a willingness to accept help. The source of this help may not be clear yet but take a chance and give GA an opportunity to show you that it works. Even if you cannot accept this step at once, be patient, regular attendance will lead to its acceptance.

This did not make sense. My gambling was mine. How could something outside of me stop me gambling? And I only wanted to stop gambling, not to be preached to about the way that I lived my life.

I kept coming back to this step to try and understand it. Finally, the penny dropped. This was neither complicated nor difficult. I just had to hold on to the warmth and friendship that I found when I arrived in GA. I just had to remind myself that it was through sharing that I had managed to stay stopped for the first few days and weeks. I just had to stop fighting and start sharing.

STOP being afraid and stop feeling alone.

Accept that sharing is not a sign of weakness.

 

3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of this Power of our own understanding.

This step is only possible after the ADMISSIONS of step one and the WILLINGNESS of step two. If you cannot yet give yourself fully to GA then look again at the first steps and talk about your reluctance in the meetings. A firm foundation is essential for strong recovery.

Decisions, decisions. I had spent my life avoiding them, and now I was being asked to hand over my whole life to something, but what was it?

I had absolutely no idea. I knew that I had stopped gambling for the first time in my life by sharing and listening in the GA room. The problems I had caused had not gone away, but there was definitely SOMETHING outside of me that was helping me one day at a time.

So, I took a chance, and decided to let this SOMETHING into my life. I was nervous and expected to get hurt and laughed at, but it did not happen. All I had done was to make a decision. Nothing had changed except my attitude. I was on the way!

DECIDE to let go and to believe that there is a better way of life possible through the Recovery Programme

THE GA WAY